Ok so 3 weeks have passed since i last wrote!  I cant believe how fast the time is going now, now that its all coming to an end.

So . . . . the last time I wrote was mums birthday, well i ended up working out how to use a web <cam and that night I got to see the family and my room in Australia via msn.  It was really nice to see everyone although there were a few tears.  Marc was just the same as always – he mooned the camera, Federico, who was sitting to the side was a little shocked I think but that’s marc!  I was a little jealous of the sunny warm day although its getting quite warm here for this time of year.  It feels like spring has come already, I want to start organising picnics again!  Its not warm enough to leave the house without a jacket but im not wearing 3 pairs of tights and 4 tops any more – I went outside the otherday with only my jeans, a singlet, long sleeve top and jacket!  Anyway the rest of the weekend in bologna was pretty ordinary and I went back to trento on Monday.

Tuesday 6^th feb I went out with a few friends for a bit of a goodbye for Michael, a german guy ive been friends with since the Italian course back in September.  It was also to see mary louise again, she was also there from the beginning but the different nationalities have all kinda split up since then so she spends most of her time with the germans as I do with the other English speaking people.  Actually I saw quite a bit of the germans that week as it was Michaels final week so I saw him every chance I got including the Wednesday night when I was suppose to see some Italians.  These Italian guys had been friends with the old nannies and showed up at the apartment one night looking for the old girls but found us instead so now they have made friends with the girls in the apartment and kept messaging me to get me to come out with them as well but im always busy.  I made plans with them on Wednesday but after we walked around town for 1hr trying to figure out where to go, following the boys as they went window shopping! And informing me of best places for guys to shop in trento I kinda decided id rather be with my friends so I made up some bad excuse to go over to the English boys house and afterwards I managed to drag them out for drink where we met up with a bunch of other Erasmus students!

Thursday morning I had a mole type thing cut off from the base of my neck.  I had been there since just before I came over here and I had been really self councious about it always wearing a scarf or covering it with a bandaid.  I hadn’t done anything sooner cos I was worried about costs and finding a doctor who spoke English but after a shaky start where rita spent an hour on the phone to doctors and people tyring to find out who I needed to see and where I could go without an Italian medical card it was all quite easy – I went in to a dermatologist thinking it was just a consultation and she would reschedule for it to be removed later but she took one look and said “if you want to take a seat we can get rid of it now”. It was great except that I almost fainted after seeing the blood and smelling the little burning instrument they use to clot the blood to stop the bleeding.  I know I mustve looked pretty bad cos  I could hear her and the nurse talking about the colour of my face!  They were really concerned about it scarring but theres hardly anything to see now and it makes me wonder why I waited so long!

Friday I went with mary louise up to cavelse to go snowboarding again.  The valley wasn’t nearly as pretty as it could have been as there was no snow to cover all the dead grass and bare trees, I can see how it would be beautiful if there was snow but unfortunately there wasn’t.  there was a really good slope at the top of one of the main mountains that I did for most of the day.  I only fell over when I wanted to cos I was tired or when I tried something new! Ive found that im ok on the slope but totally hopless getting from the slope to the ski lift and then from the lift to the slope, I cant get the hang of moving with a huge board attached to one foot, I actually had to fall over once to stop myself from sliding into a lady who was standing near the lift.  She was a ccompanied by an instructor who nicely helped me up then tightened my boots and told me that it makes it harder when your boots aren’t done up enough – I did them as tight as I could!  I tried the kiddy slop at one point but the lift for that is a little different, theres like a plunger thing you have to put between your legs and it kinda drags you up the slope while your feet are on the ground.  It’s a little different for snowboarders to use than the skiers and I got it totally wrong and ended up falling over and being dragged on my face for a bit before I thought to let go and try starting again.  The stupid man who was supposed to help just kept talking at me in Italian and even when I told him I didn’t understand he still kept going, needless to say I didn’t go down that slope again, not after all those looks from the kids!

We got back to trento that night and I had to stay for a goodbye party, for the second week in a row I spent the day with the person whose party it was – Linda, a german girl who was leaving in a few days had come skiing with us and seeing as she was a beginner also her and I spent a lot of time together during the day! So I kinda had to go, I also had to give her some photos.  It was a good party though, it was also the last chance I had to see Michael so we moved from the house party to a bar and then another bar that stays open a bit later and then slept for a bit and caught the train to bologna for what has become the worst weekend ever.

Satuday was ok, then that night Federico and I went to christines for dinner as usual and we ended up having a really good night as after dinner we played a few drinking games and had a few laughs and then one of his friends rolled what I was trying so hard to believe was just a really big cigarette.  I was a little surprised when Federico took a few puffs and even more surprised when he offered it to me!  so from that point on the weekend went down hill.  I freaked out cos I never thought he would do that – ever – and I was upset by that, I guess I ve found it really difficult over here because there are so many things that go on in the big wide world that ive never really been exposed to before because ive got such a great group of friends back home who all have their heads screwed on straight, I don’t know.  Anyway I cant explain it cos I really freaked out and got upset and i have other friends here who have done it from time to time and im ok with that so I don’t know why it was so different with him.  So when Sunday came around it was all pretty intense as we tried to sort that out – he stupidly brought up the fact that he doesn’t really like religion but hes ok with me being a religious person so why cant I be ok with him doing that, who in their right mind brings up a persons religion in an argument?!  After that finally calmed down we had another conversation about where all this was going and we found out that hes always though of this as ending when I leave and that he never ever saw there being a chance that this would go beyond that which totally upset me.  so Sunday I spent the entire day in tears and trying to sleep to make the pain go away.  There was a lot of talking going on and it was all made harder being stuck in a tiny little apartment with no doors and no one else to talk to but him.  Sometimes a girl just needs her friends to help sort herself out.  Monday morning I left to go back to trento but somewhere on the 10min bus trip from his to the train station my wallet got stolen, I had about 40 euros in there plus my Australian drivers license, credit card, debit card and all my other card from home so that wasn’t very good.  I had to make a quick trip back to federicos to make sure I didn’t leave it there and I think he was more worried than me, I figured if its gone its gone, so long as my cards are cancelled theres nothing else I can do so why worry, especially after everything else that had happened that weekend.

The next week was quite and interesting week as both the kids were home sick so it was hard to escape from work.  I was being woken up at 8am and unlike most week days when I am woken up and then the kids go to school an hr later they just kept going and going and wouldn’t be quite, I can say now that  the words – mamma, vienni – are like fingernails on a chalkboard for me! (it means come here mum).  I managed to get out with Katie and abi for a bit and wrote a really long email to Federico trying to sort things out a bit.  I find with Italians its better to write things down as it gives them more time to figure out what it is youre saying and they can see what you are saying and not misunderstand a word.  Tuesday night I went over to the aussie girls apartment and found that the girls had been making valentines day cards to hand out to random people in the street, so I joined in and did a few also.  The next morning I went back over to the girls for a valentines day breakky with pastries and fruit then we went a bought some choccies to stick to the cards.  After we went to an art shop and bought some drawing stuff for a lady who works at the local pool.  Emma talks to her quite a bit and had found out that she has always liked to draw but is too busy looking after a sick family member to be able to it anymore so we bought some stuff and left it anonymously for her and the pool whilst she was working.  She guessed later that afternoon when all the mothers from the pool were there and they made emma go over so she could say thank you.  After that we headed into town to hand out the cards but I ran out of time and had to work.  The others went in though and ended up hading them out to the homeless beggars, the buskers and the African guys who always try and sell you stuff around town because those people were the most appreciative.  That night I went back to the girls and baked cookies and pigged out a bit more which was nice, the best valentines day ive ever had I think.

Thursday I was having lunch in town with clio and steph and noticed all these carnival rides open up, it took me a while to realise it was for carnivale and within about two hours the main piazza went from being empty to being full of kids in costumes throwing confetti around, a few stalls had opened up with lots of ppl there to look, entertainers were performing and it just all seemed to be alive.  It was great.  I really wanted to hang around and watch for a bit longer but I had to get to work so that was that. 

Friday was pretty ordinary.  I didn’t go anywhere or do anything cos I wasn’t really in the mood as nothing had really been sorted out between me and Federico, he had said he would email me the day before but then he hadn’t had time so I was kept waiting to see if things would get sorted or whether we would break up.  I had to look after the kids for an hour while rita went to pick up elenas homework and in that time I got a message from Federico basically saying that he didn’t have time for a serious relationship at this time so that put me in tears.  It was quite funny cos while I was sitting there crying Giorgio woke up crying as usual cos his mum wasn’t there,  I think he was a bit confused though cos of my tears so he wasn’t as difficult as he normally is.  Maybe I should try that more often?!  What a tiring week.  I didn’t go to bologna that weekend cos Federico was going back to ziano and hadn’t seen his family for a month and half so he didn’t really have much time to spare which I could understand and I had been planning on going to Venice for carnivale anyway.

At 8 am 18 of my friends all got on a small train for a 3hr40min train ride to Venice.  It was soooooo long cos we didn’t get seats.  A few of us ended up sitting on the steps in the doorway!  It was such a relief to get there and it was so amazing – my first time in Venice.  You really a swept away as soon as you step out of the train station, its exactly like you think it would be.  Except it was even more amazing because everyone was wearing masks and there were heaps of people in costume and facepainters everywhere.  It was quite difficult to organise a group of 18, we stood outside the train station for half and hour waiting on people to go get money and go to the bathroom etc then we finally got moving and within 3 mins we lost half of the group.  Suzannah, the American nanny, had also come with us and I think she was getting a little annoyed with all the confusion so her and I ended up breaking away and went looking at masks instead.  There were some pretty impressive ones I cant even begin to describe.  Her and I both bought a mask each then started making our way towards the main piazza.  It took us about 3 hours to get there because of all the people and in that time we stopped so many times to look at the people who were fully dressed up in period costumes and as other various things.  We tried to take in as much of the scenery as possible but didn’t bother with any tourist things as it was more about the carnivale festival than Venice itself. We ran back into the other group along the way and kept moving with the constant flow of people – there were so many!

At one point we found a Disney store which I of course had to go into but then lost everyone cos they couldn’t stop and wait for me- I tell you the crowds were amazing and the streets were so small that you just had to keep going.  I called them to find out where they were but got the direction wrong and ended up somewhere totally different and had my own little adventure but I saw some amazing costumes I would have missed out on other wise.  I ended up getting to the main piazza at the totally opposite end from the others which was good for me cos it gave me a chance to walk through the hundreds of ppl that were there and see more and more ppl dressed up.  These ppl just dress up and walk around all day having their photos taken, its fantastic, I so want to do it!  I found all my friends eventually and we walked a little further but realised there wasn’t much else to do but walk around and look at ppl in costumes, I think we were expecting there to be peoformances and stuff like there was in trento.  Actually I think there were things going on but it was just too crowded to figure out what they were.  So we hung round the piazza for a bit then suzannah and I left the group again and slowly made our way back to the train station.  We got back and she caught the next train home, whilst I waited with the others while a few of the girls got their faces painted.  The face painters were amazing but if I was given the same stuff as them im pretty sure I could do just as good as could jody!  So im thinking her and I should go to carnival next year all dressed up and spend a few days face painitng!  We got back to trento around 11pm and from there I got dragged to a Spanish party.  I wasn’t really in to mood as I was still sulking about the stupid boy issues but id never been to a Spanish party, the had an acordian and a tambourine there and they were teaching ppl dances, I didn’t participate but it was a good laugh.

Sunday I spent with emma watching movies and knitting which was nice,  ive decided to take that back up again and ive already done one scarf and have almost finished my second but im getting bored and would really like to start on another jumper but don’t think it’s a good idea considering what I already have to bring back – I don’t need another heavy woollen jumper!

Monday Federico was suppose to come so we could talk all this stuff out a bit but he was too busy so I ended up talking to connor (irish guy)  then mark (welsh guy) and it was really nice to have a different perspective than what I had already been hearing for the whole week before and they helped me figure out a lot and so that night when I finally got to speak with Federico on msn we sorted everything out so its all good now.  I think he was a bit surprised because id sent him a few angry messages and I think he was expecting to talk to and angry, upset jess instead I was munching away on an apple and laughing at half the thing we were talking about!  So  that was good to have everything finally solved and then just after that one of my friends from Australia who is over in Canada working on the ski slops was on msn so I got to speak with him for an hour!

Tuesday was great as I was finally in a good mood after 1 1.2 weeks being sad so I had a lot of happy to make up for.  Tuesday night there was suppose to be an acrobatic performance in town that everyone was going to but it got cancelled either because something to do with the performance was broken or the performer had broken something, we couldn’t figure out what the announcer had actually said but it was one of the two.  There was a bit of a party going on in the piazza though so we hung around and had a good dance.  The Spanish group had gotten all dress up in flinstones outfits and had even made a flinstones car which was quite amazing.  It was good to be out with everyone again dancing away.  

And that’s about it I think.  Thursday night I came down to bologna, where I am now and its been a really good weekend.  Kinda hard cos Federico and I had a look at our individual plans between now and when I leave and it turns out we only have 2 or 3 weekends together which is kinda hard to believe so I think we might try and make a bit more of an effort to see more of each other before the end.  

Its getting really hard all round just knowing that the end is coming.  I only have 5 more weeks of work and im kinda sad about that because I feel like I only just started this job and I get along really well with the family.  Just last week Elena thanked rita for finding her a babysitter who was perfect for her – rita told emma to tell me that which I thought was nice.  Elena keeps asking if im going to come back after ive seen all my friends and family in Australia; I think I will be sad to say goodbye to them.  

Everytime im out with my friends, as much fun as we have together there is always that thought that its all going to end soon and as it gets closer and closer the thoughts get stronger and stronger and it makes me really sad, especially knowing that once I leave I can never come back to this.  As much as I do wanna see my family and friends in Australia its had to be happy about it as it means that this is all coming to an end.  Grace leaves on Thursday for good, amber and suzannah leave in 2 weeks – all these girls who got here after me are going to be gone.  Quite a few of the other Erasmus students will be leaving, only the English and Americans will be here after I go I think, clio and steph are leaving round the same time as me.

I have started back on my health kick trying to get back into shape so I can be even kinda ok with wearing bathers again.  I have never in my life been as white as I am now!  I cant handle it, if I walk around without shoes on I spend most of the time starting at my feet trying to believe that they really are my little white feet down there and im not wearing white socks.  So now im jazzercising again, attempting to do it once a day and hopefully I can motivate myself to go running with emma every now and again and im trying to cut back on the gelati which is hard as all the gelaterias have just re opened after being closed for. winter

Anyway I think that’s all I can say at this time, I know it’s a lot but I have to put it all down.  I keep hoping I will get the motivation to write more often but I keep putting it off cos I have access to federicos computer and internet when im here and its so much nicer to use than the internet cafes.

Till next time,

Jess